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LIZBEK SHOCKER EVERY SO OFTEN!

NTM 1 4 June 1999 (morning edition) Exclusive: Undercover Lizbek Reveals Jono, Lizbek Minister of Surf Likes Old Guys in Texas is isn’t himself who he thinks he is By Jupp, Galasnost Secret Ole Codger   Using the popular America On Line Instant Messenger, Jupp, Galasnost Secret Agent and LONELY GUY (ha yuck), lured Jono, Lizbek Minister of Surf, into thinking something that WASN’T ENTIRELY TRUE. Following is the EXACT conversation, although the names were changed because that’s what secret agents do... Secret Agent: Anyone home? Jono: just me Secret Agent: what's up, I mean c'mon, like wow man, cool. Surf’s up or what? Jono: who are you? Jono: are you gonna answer me? Hmmmmmmmmm...... thinks Secret Agent. Hmmmmmmmmmmmm. Secret Agent: Oh that's right, you don't know who I am. You might even already have fantasies of me in some little nightgown sweltering in the heat of Texas. Jono: that sounds good to me. Jono: what are you wearing? Secret Agent: and like I'm 26 and all a l o n e and NO BOYFRIEND and I'm not someone from a sex site or anything like that, just little ole me...you might think that. Jono: I'm alone myself right now. Secret Agent: Are you naked? Jono: I wish Secret Agent: Oh it's so hot. Jono: you sound pretty hot to. Secret Agent: you're gonna hate me. Jono: why? Secret Agent: because.....well.......you see........ I'm not a woman. Jono: wha...wha...what are you? Secret Agent: You’re not gonna like this........I'm an 80 year old guy with nothin to do. My wife died two years ago and all I do is jerk people around on the internet. It's sad...I know and I'm sorry. But ... well, it's pathetic I know. I also have had my liver removed and now I have one from a pig. It's ridiculous. I should just die and leave everyone alone. Jono: sounds like a personal problem to me. Secret Agent: I'm sorry. I think I'll take a pill and lay down. Jono: whatever turns you on. Secret Agent: Hey Jono, don't be angry with me. I like you. You're a good person. Tell me a little about yourself. Secret Agent: What's your phone number I'll call you. Secret Agent: Maybe we could meet. I've got money. Lot's of money. Jono: fuck off Secret Agent: I could fly out tonight. Secret Agent: Are you in California? Secret Agent: I'm lonely....so lonely. Secret Agent: Why else would I be on the Internet? Secret Agent: Answer me, please, I'll be good. Promise. I’ll be your best friend. Jono: I'm in NC Secret Agent: North Carolina? I know North Carolina. I can fly in tomorrow. We could play checkers. You know how to play checkers? Jono: see ya Secret Agent: I have a dog, too. Maybe I could bring my grand daughter. She's lovely and she thinks I'm a crazy ole goat and she's right. Jono: see ya Secret Agent: I was just pulling your chain! Hey Jono...it's me, Secret Agent Man...I have red hair and beard! Secret Agent: I'm in Lizbekistan! Jono: what?! Secret Agent: I wuz foolin' you... Secret Agent: Ha yuck. Little sting operation. Part of my Galasnost secret reporting. See ya on the 9th buddy! To be continued......

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