.
.
.
.
|
NTM 1du 13 march 1999 (morning edition)
DOWNTOWN, LIZBEKISTAN--Reports of Overtipping Nipples have been
rife throughout the Country today, even though the State Money
hasn't been printed yet.
Sources at Bill & Mary's Coffee Shop said that Nipples were in overabundance and that the "place had to be evacuated." Behind the scheme, the sources said, lurked Jdot Stigter, State Terrorist,
who was seen sitting alone reading The Guardian (and not Galasnot!), eating the Spaghetti he is well known for making himself in the kitchen. "Moi?" he said when asked about the incident that included a young
boy's broken nose, a fainting spell of headwaitress, Charolene
"warm that up for you honey?" Olofgors and the postman being knocked
over Dagwood Bumstead style. "Look here, cub reporter you, you
wouldn't know a Nipple if it stepped on you." The Pun, evidently was just beginning.
:"Let the animals go home, take a break," said Serge, who has topped his high water mark of 133,333,333 in iMac PacMan. The New Zoo, which housed such beasts as "Billy," the goat with a transponder on its head, "Flipper," a religious icon of the Neptune Order, and "Bambi," an erotic masterpiece had a successful run and will close its cage doors on Saturday the 6th of March. "Beaucoup de Noise," said Quicco, who stood guard day and night as the animals bayed and cooed. "I haven't slept in three weeks!" Professor Wuchi Paifeng Wan, who cloned a horse that recently died, and has recently cloned a rabbit from a carrot cell, was sad. His spokesperson, Doughy, Minister of Spelling and Syntax,
lamented for the Professor: "The Professor will be taking a holiday in Helsinki, where he will continue his work cloning snowflakes." Professor Wuchi Paifeng Wan, of course, is a snowman. The last day of the New Zoo, however will offer FREE BOOZE to any and all who come. Here's the address in case you have not tatooed it onto your breast: galerie eof 15 rue St. Fiacre 75002 Paris. Metro: Bonne Nouvelle/Grands Free Socks!
who is currently in New York City, a suburb of Lizbekistan, on a research project involving LARGE TOES. Rumors had it that Mr. Des Clers was thinking of launching a currency to rival the Nipple, called BIG TOE (Two of them will get you a kick in the butt). But the FREE SOCK offer is good until the end of March: Write the Minister of Smelly Feet at this address and mention my name: 245 East 11th Street, New York NY 10003 USA (Outer Lizbekistan). News Note: If you have any Lizbek News that is NOT BASED ON FACT,
but rather INNUENDO (not the pun), viscious lies, denials, rebuttals
and/or connundrums involving FAMOUS PEOPLE or just SOMEONE IN
YOUR FAMILY, please
To be continued...... |
But it did, sir, it did. 
. . .