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NTM 1 du 20 july 1998 (afternoon edition)
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By Jupp, These Days In Lizbekistan: War-DAY 5
20 July 1998
TV LAND, LIZBEKISTAN--
LIZBEKS DEFENDED THEIR DAYTIME TV SHOW CACHE, Lost a
couple Packs of Vogue Ultra Thin Lights (Menthol), and the Princess
suffered an EAR INFECTION as the WAR IN LIZBEKISTAN rolled into its Fifth
Day of WAR.
Touched By An Angel, Promised Land, Dr. Quinn note to Jupp
Sender: bard@ibm.net
Hey Man,
Give up. You're working way too hard and drowning in sophomoric prose. If
you need to say Lizbekistan won the war, let me be the first to announce
it. In the words of New Yorkers everywhere, "Who gives a rat's ass?"
General Bard
P.S.: Please turn over the busty Russian models as a peace offering. By the
way, the Elizabethan garb stuff was soooo outre just not me at all.
Nangles and Dangles, Ministresses for Physical Matchmaking and The
Internal Process, respectively, have also just returned from GLION FLASH FLASH FLASH FLASH FLASH FLASH FLASH FLASH FLASH The following MESSAGE WAS INTERCEPTED AT LIZBEKISTAN'S CENTRAL SERVER:
Date: Sam, 18. Jul 1998 14:37 EDT WILL PEACE SETTLE BACK INTO SLEEPY LIZBEKISTAN AND RED TAPE ROLL AGAIN IN THE CAPITAL? WE CERTAINLY HOPE SO..... To be continued......
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, Medicine Woman, I'll Fly
Away, Liz's World, Christy, Highway to Heaven, Love Boat, Eight Is Enough
and Life Goes On, were among the "Family Entertainment" Jewels Lizbeks
fought "tooth and hangnail" for, against ibm.net forces who said once
they've taken over Lizbekistan, "there will be no reruns."
The Television RERUN CENTER, managed by Paxson communications
(www.pax.net) 
, was littered with ibm.net diskettes flouting the $19.95
monthly communication fee. The diskettes, which measured 5.4" would not
fit into any known computer in Lizbekistan, but have served Lizbeks as
"cute little FRISBEES" during breaks in the ONSLAUGHT.
The Vogue Ultra Thin (Menthol) factory is safe 
, "at least for another
day," reported Olivier Allais 
, Counsellor for A Certain Number of Things,
who rushed back to Lizbekistan from where he heads a Private
Consortium involved in RED TAPE, BUSTY RUSSIAN MODELS and a new technology for Portable MOBILE Phones using "wood and straw."
., who models for Special K cereal in the OLD COUNTRY, said, "I
don't like war and I wish it would end. It's a disaster for my hair."
Another BUSTY RUSSIAN MODEL, Natalia Plushka 
, echoed Olga K., saying: "I
don't like war and I wish it would end. It's a disaster for my hair." 
But
it was too late as General Bard (
to his
normal Elizabethan garb, is anybody's guess, said the Princess, "The cut's
a little loose, don't you think?"
, where
they supervised the miracle of SWISS CHEESE MAKING. They brought back with
them what they hope will save the DOWN TOWN area, Elsie, the Wonder Cow,
"and glue specialist." Nangles and Dangles 
said they think they can stick
it to ibm.net before they reach the DRIVE-IN MOVIE theater. "We have a
plan," they said.
Plans aside, casualties mounted during a weekend of "really intense
bickering," said the Princess, herself a victim of "a little ringing in my
ear." The Princess was "savagely frisked" 
early Saturday morning by
ibm.net advancemen, but told them they had to leave because "their VISA
cards had expired." State Terrorist Jdot Stinger 
, however, was led away
into the night, but later escaped to "JOLLY OLD ENGLAND" where he was to
meet with JANNSCHKY 
, the 8-year old Minister for Carts & Karate from SHIN
JUKU, Tokyo who flew in on a RED EYE on LIZBEKISTAN's ONLY AIRLINE,
(à droite),
preparing a grand exhibit of Egyptian Photography at the HOTEL SCRIBE (Near
Opera), and dashing in a LIZBEK-made blazer showing off the Princess's NEW
LEAF BLOWER-PROOF HAIRDOO, sighed and "We was so 'appy, why dis GUERRE?"
Puzzled, too was the Ministre de l'Egalité et des Sexes, Charoline Olofgors, just in from The South of FRANCE looking sun tanny and "a bit taller than she is normally, no?" and the Minister for Absolute Oblivion
, Markus Hansen 
, just in from Chicago where he cut a deal for EXCLUSIVE
FILM RIGHTS ON THE WAR IN LIZBEKISTAN WITH WALT DISNEY CORP., who said
SIMULTANEOUSLY, "Let's get on the horn to The Attorney General of Foreign
Bodies , Victor Wong (
quipped, "Contact the Ministre du Tourisme Kossi
Homawoo, I'll bet they DON'T HAVE VISAs."
These Daze In Lizbekistan called Kossi Homawoo, Ministre du Tourisme 
, who
was, said, Allan Gold, Minister for Sexual Relations, "Homawoo is on vacation, well ahead of the August Break." Gold, who has a BEER NAMED
AFTER HIM, added that, "There has not been any SEX REPORTED IN LIZBEKISTAN
FOR NEARLY A WEEK. Alas, the toll of WAR."
Jérôme Estienne, BODY GUARD of The PRINCESS 
, confirmed that indeed there hasn't been ANY SEX, BUT there has been a lot of heavy PETTING." Minister of Unknowables, Nicholas Chaikin (www.spill.com) 
. . .