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NTM 1 du 29 june 1998 (afternoon edition)
GRAND RASSEMBLEMENT DE LIZBEKS A L'OCCASION DU
<--------- Vous etes pries par la presente de vous rendre, muni(e) d'une
bouteille de champagne, au Pont des Arts, Paris, le lundi 29 juin 1998, a
21h 09. That means 9:09pm! --------->
HEAR! - HEAR THE STORY OF NATE THE TALKING SNAKE! and the major mailing disaster for which The Minister for Post and Embarrassing Situations has no responsability what so ever!
SEE! - SEE THE -------'S SHIRT WHICH REFUSES TO STAY BUTTONED!
MEET! - PLENTY OF YOUNG AND ATTRACTIVE MEN AND WOMEN INCLUDING LIZBEK'S NEW EXTREMELY INTELLIGENT CITIZEN!
MISS! - LE HUITIEME DE FINALE ENTRE L'ITALIE ET LA NORVEGE! (et celui de Holland v Yugoslavia) naturalisation comme refugié politique
By Jupp, LIZBEK CONCOKTIONS
THE LIZBEK CAPITAL--Liz- and non-Lizbeks finally got the message from the
MASTER LIST SERVER, some, in fact several hundred thousand times, and they
were rhymes-with-kisst-off, some even making the $4.95 a minute call to
Lizbek operators in DOWNTOWN LIZBEKISTAN, to haggle about the this and that
and to create a huge wad of RED TAPE the size of Ivry-Sur-Seine. Julien
and Beata of IVRY-SUR-SEINE, a suburb of Lizbekistan and awaiting full
Suburb PRIVILEGES (There's a council meeting on that if you want to attend.
It's at the QUICK Metro Tolbiac sometime in the future, we don't know
when, but we have the place) said, quite puzzled, "Well, we just are
learning LIZBEK, you couldn't say we were fluent."
Quantity, however, ruled over content and reports throughout the Country
were "there were quite a few e-mails, indeed. The Princess said, quite harried, but fixing the problem which had been attributed to LOOSE MARBLES in the ROYAL JELLY BEAN and chewing gum on the throne, creating a whole mess of the PRINCESS's Leopard Skin Dress: "I'm
fixing the damn thing." Spillman Nicholas Chaikin, accepted some
responsibility for the foul up (didn't he?), admiting that "he was
daydreaming a little about Brooklyn."
But the second and perhaps last FOUNDATION DAY is the NEWS OF THE DAY.
And there were fair amount of preparations after all.
Busy at work were BEAVERS Nestor and Linus, creating, from a Linus
"MAGIC DESIGN(TM)," the portable telephone with speed dialing, call
forwarding, call waiting, automatic wide band broadcast features, and
access to the Internet. Linus, who has put forth a theory that the world
is full of Four Leaf Clovers, and why the hell not, and Nestor who's
favourite food is Rock Spider Crab from Brittany, have a pink ping pong ball
that they stole from the Princess's ROYAL PINK PING PONG BALL COLLECTION,
but promise to give it back sometime before they leave for LONDON, where
Linus is head of the economics department in the 1st Form, responsible for
the monthly outlay on MARMITE, that the kids love to snack in the
afternoon. "With every purchase of Marmite,"Linus said, "we earn another
point towards living in outer space." "So," said the Princess, "it looks
like everybody lucks out." Nestor will head back to his research on the
fluid mechanics of Crab Claws.
Other Lizbeks were reportedly doing things in preparation but those
reports cannot be substantiated.
OTHER NEWS
There was a collision on the L2 that circles LIZBEKISTAN, two VESPAS
were speeding towards a NICE COLD RHEINGOLD beer when one suddenly and
then the other, uhhh, ooooh, waaaaaaat, whoooooooooooooaaaaaaaaa. No one was hurt.
Bakers were ON STRIKE TODAY throughout LIZBEKISTAN. The SIX BAKERS
were protesting the lack of 9 cereal flour and the import quota. "Lizbeks
are eating baguettes again." Reply to The Six State Baker PRESIDENT, Dirk
Diggler, representing the Six Bakers, The Princess said, "Let them eat
cake."
Mark McGwire, who recently hit his 36th home run in the World Cup in
France had no comment.
SAvaPaL'O
There was a bunch of other things, but these days in Lizbekistan, will
take them all in like a BIG BLUE IGUANA gorging on a KYOTO-CITY Dyning
Needle. "Wachha might'n'a called ah Dragon Fly," added the Minister for
Old-Guys-Hanging-Around-On-The-Porch-Chewing-Their-Cud,
Sipping-Rheingolds-And-Pulling-Your-Leg," Bill Grace.
LAST WORD: Don't forget to tune into AS LIZBEKISTAN TURNS a LIVE EVENT
broadcast direct from The Pont Des Arts tomorrow, tomorrow, I'll love you
tomorrow (no really TODAY) starring Little Orphan Annie in the role How the West Was WON, a
Promotional industrial film about the RED TAPE INDUSTRY OF LIZBEKISTAN.
Bring a handkerchief, and a LAWN CHAIR.
By Jupp, Lizbek Flirtations
Is there love in the air or is it just bad perfume, you can't tell,
really the wind is blowing across the WHOLE COUNTRY every which way but
loose, honey, so there's only one way to find out: ASK THE PEOPLE IN THE
STREET of LIZBEKISTAN
"What smell?" asked Lizbekistan Sheriff Dean Garret Siegel. "Oh that,
that's just the past smouldering."
A man walking his dog in Downtown Lizbekistan denied that his poop, or
even that of his TOY POODel
Champion of Toys and Gadgets, Chine Lanzmann
Brian Dick of San Diego, California, thought maybe it was the overly
buttered popcorn from the local Drive-In movie theater, KONTIKI, that was
ripening in the high buck atmosphere. "Or maybe it was that stinkin'
Werewolf Movie I made."
Other comments on the smell came from the Princess herself, who indicated that the Saumon fumé et grillé might in fact be the source. The FISH DISH
Minister Doughy wanted to explore the olfactory connection to the past
and its consequent syntax with respect to co-existent with the past. "It's
like when you walk into a room and you smell, say MOTHBALLS, perhaps your
GRANDMOTHER IS REALLY THERE," he noted. "Smell, of course, rhymes with SPELL." He then sang a version in Hebrew of the famous 1970s tune:" I Put a SPELL on you." The Minister of Spelling and Syntax, by the way, is
preparing a book on Proving The EXISTENCE Of A Mackerel
Well. Something fishy about all this.
But about that FISH: "The salmon was cooked in a bed of sea salt
directly in the frying pan, let it get halfway cooked and then you eat it.
We had Ruby Red grapefruit with avocados and chives. We had red wine--a Chateau Margot 1972--tres cher!" but the smell, she said, could possibly
have come from the fish bones..."
Love, of course, has its own special scent(s). Sometimes its stinkin'
awful (Love STINKS), sometimes it's spring fresh (like Javel) and
sometimes, well, it can also smell like MOTHBALLS. "I'd be interested to
know what others are sniffing these days... E-mail me at
embassy@lizbekistan.com."
To be continued......
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, who was celebrating the
arrival of the Curator Fogg Museum (Cambridge), Harry Cooper, agreed that the Past does indeed have its own "special aroma," and that its obsequious presence "sometimes noxious, sometimes intoxicating," leaves us with "no choice but to inhale it...but that's okay." But it's true. It sometimes
smells like dirty feet."
of Canal+ and Master of
Ceremonies, was heard to exclaim, "Oh mon Dieu, cette horrible odeur qui
nous pourrit la vie... D'où vient-elle ? ah ah ! D'une immense tristesse
qu'on a laissé traîner derrière un gros chagrin, bien sûr !"
, Miss
Olga (from St. Petersburg, COMMUNIST RUSSIA, who should be a Minister but
hasn't made up her mind as to what), and Harry Cooper, who invited the
Princess to Boston to see the Fogg Museum collection next time she was in
BOSTON.
. . .